In computer news this week:

Lead: The ridiculous commercialization of internet search engines

My mother told me many years ago that first impressions were extremely important, and to always try to make a good first impression because that's what people remember you by ....

I recently found out that the internet can make a really bad first impression for you when people use search engines to find places.

Now I've probably mentioned that I live in a tiny town South of Spokane, in Spangle, Washington, population 245. It's a nice quiet little town with friendly people, virtually no crime, and just a few small businesses in town. People wave at you and everyone says hello when they pass you on the street.

I did a web page for the town when I first moved down here a couple years ago, and just recently the town had a phone call from someone saying they couldn't find the town on the internet when they searched. So naturally I went to google and did a search for Spangle, Wa, and here's the actual results I got:

Find lawyers in Spangle - are you kidding - I don't think there's ever been a lawyer in town, maybe at the turn of the 19th century.

Find plastic surgeons in Spangle - what are you talking about - all the plastic surgeons are up the road in Spokane... I don't know if the town even ever had its own doctor ...

Find golf courses in Spangle - hey we don't even have a pool or a community center - there's no nets on the tennis court at the old grade school - golf ain't gonna happen here.

Find bail bonds in Spangle - Bail bonds - look - there was a bank robbery here in 1914 and that was the last time anyone even thought of a bail bond

Find sports bars in Spangle - what - a sports bar - with brass and ferns and yuppies wearing those golf shirts with the little alligator on them - I don't think so. We've got an old fashioned saloon here where people wear jeans and western shirts and Bush lite is considered an import beer.

Find dance lessons in Spangle - hey you can get free dance lessons at the saloon any time someone puts a quarter in the juke box. And if you want to learn fancy steps just come here on Karaoke night ...

Send balloon bouquets in Spangle - Oh yeah, I'm sure that type of manly gift would really go over with the cowboys here.

Find massage therapists in Spangle - yeah, I'm sure that's one of the first things the bull riders look for when they come to town ...

Find escorts in Spangle - uh, escorts to what?

Find your match for love, romance and sex in Spangle - hey this is beginning to make the town look bad. I think most of the people here are matched up already.

Purchase viagra in Spangle - oh man, this is getting ridiculous ... the drug store closed half a century ago, and I'm not sure if it ever stocked that sort of a thing ... and the whole town would have known if anyone had bought it -

Find swingers clubs in Spangle - hey they do the western swing at the saloon ... but I don't think that's what this internet thing means

Find real swingers having real sex in Spangle - you know this is getting downright offensive

Maybe we ought to tell folks just to look at a map instead when they want to find the town.

For Raw Bytes, This is Frank Delaney

POB 222 Spangle, Wa 99031 (509)245-3736 624-7230